Sunday, January 7, 2018

January 7, 2018

HEY THERE! Happy 2018! Can't believe another year has come and gone. I've been thinking about this last year a lot, and I've come to the conclusion that it wasn't my favorite year. The question is why? Why did it feel so shitty? It took me until this week to really nail down the reasons it felt so... sad? Empty? I'm not sure. Let's just start from the beginning. There's a lot to unpack.

So in October of 2016, we (Luke, Hunter, and I) played a show in Las Vegas that was so bad it made us decide to quit touring for a while. It is a long story for another day, but just know that it was awful. All three of us unanimously decided we did not want to do this anymore. We agreed that we would go home, get a house together, and spend the next year writing and recording our next album. We were tired and burnt out. Just thinking about it makes me exhausted. We had spent most of 2015/2016 in our mini van touring the country playing some incredibly fantastic shows, but mostly playing to empty rooms or to people who did not care. We made some wonderful friends and saw some amazing places, but it ultimately killed our desire to continue playing shows.

In January of 2017, we signed a lease on a cute little fixer upper in the Joplin area. It was a new start for us as a band, and also as people. Living on the road for so long caused my closest relationships back home to suffer. It wasn't anyone's fault, it is just hard to keep in touch and keep up with everyone's changing lives while you're away 95% of the time. I was determined to fix all of that.

Luke and I both got new jobs in February working for a mental health service called Ozark Center so that we did not have to rely on music to pay for our expenses and also for our recordings. For those of you that don't know, recording music is hella expensive. It was our biggest expense each month that year so we needed something steady. Ironically, Ozark Center contributed to the downfall of my mental health last year. I was slowly losing my mind working in such a negative environment for so little pay, and it was hard to notice at first. The longer the year wore on, the worse and worse I felt without realizing it was a problem. I'll come back to this later.

We started recording one song a month in Springfield with Kevin Gates, who became a very dear friend this year. We'd spend three days at a time at his in-house studio hanging out, creating, and making our ideas into a reality. It was incredibly therapeutic because these songs are very personal for us. We decided to write an album based around one day with each song representing a different part of that same day. We decided to base it around the day that Luke had his skateboarding accident. That particular day caused a lot of anxiety and lingering issues for me because I was there, and I did not know if he was going to be the same again or even survive the head trauma. It was bad. This album was hard to write and also record because I had to face my fears and relive that day over and over and over to get everything out perfectly. I'm glad we did, though, because I feel more at peace. It was something I had to do. These songs are emotional for me, and have so much heart. Even if they go nowhere, I'll have them forever, and I'm proud of what we accomplished.

Anyways, 2017 was filled with so much stress from working dead end jobs, barely making enough money to scrape by, and learning how to live with roommates again.

Finally, in December I got a new job at Missouri Southern, and put in my two weeks at Ozark Center. I worked both jobs those last two weeks, and the difference between them was like night and day. I was moving from a negative environment to the most positive place ever. I couldn't believe it! On one of my last days at Ozark Center, the other receptionist and I got yelled at by a client's mother. Like, literal screaming and yelling at us in person because she didn't understand the process. I did not even know what to do. The other receptionist was crying, and I was on the phone with another client, and it was just a bad situation all around. One of our therapists had to intervene. The next day, I told my boss I wasn't coming back. I had had enough. It just wasn't worth it to finish out those two weeks. MSSU needed me for extra hours anyways, so it was nice being able to give my all to my new job. Luke had just as bad of a time at his location at Ozark Center, and put in his two weeks around the same time as me. We were able to enjoy our holidays in peace since MSSU was closed for break, and he no longer had a physical job -- just his graphic design work.

Since my last day at Ozark Center, my outlook on life has changed completely. I did not realize how much it was clouding my life until I left. 2018 is now a time for me to focus on the positives, and work on myself. I see my flaws clearly, and I am working to better myself for me and for those around me. I'm excited for this new leaf, and I'm ready to face this new year. HECK YA.  

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Springtime Thunderstorms


It's getting ready to storm, I guess. There has been talk about tornadoes and large hail all day, but we haven't seen anything yet. I'm a bit excited because I love love love storms. I also hate them because they make me nervous, but they sure are beautiful.

I'm sitting on the couch in my parents' living room right now with Ellie asleep next to my leg, and Bunker next to her. They are quite adorable, and I love them both.

There really isn't a whole lot to say today, but I felt like I should write something anyways. Tomorrow Luke and I are going to play an acoustic old timey set at the local retirement home. My Grandma Connie lives there now since Papa Charles passed. I'm so glad she's there now. She's starting to get used to it, but she still wants to go home. She can't live on her own anymore, though, so she has to stay put. It's kind of sad.

Mom and dad took me to Grandma and Papa's house the other day to just look around, and I don't even really know. It was weird. It was a really strange feeling walking inside, and smelling the same smells, and seeing the same sights, but knowing they weren't there. And they wouldn't be there anymore. I went out in their backyard, but it was kind of overgrown, and not how Papa would have it at all. It made me sad. It made me miss him so much. It just isn't the same anymore.

A while back, Luke and I recorded us playing Crazy by Patsy Cline to use when we book shows at assisted living facilities. It's one of my favorite songs, and it's a song that I used to listen to frequently with Grandma and Papa when I would spend time at their house on weekends. It's still kind of tough to make it through that song during our sets because it makes me think of them so easily. So we decided to film a music video for it, and dedicate it to Papa's memory. We filmed some footage at their house, and I think it will turn out really lovely. Maybe it will make things easier for me to get my emotions out in a creative form. I don't know. I hope so. I just cry at really random times, it seems. The fountain at the Independence Park was fixed up recently, and I cried when I saw the pictures, and I cried while listening to Johnny Cash sing old hymns. This is hard. But I know he's still with me. I still carry the lessons he taught me in my heart, and I have the best memories. k

Anyway, enough being sad for one post. I've been playing my piano so much lately, and I LOVE IT. It is the biggest stress relief I have, and I've been practicing and getting better and better. I was pretty rusty for awhile because I don't have a full sized piano anymore, and it is super annoying setting up my midi controller to play my more difficult songs that require more keys. So I've been really happy having my old, out of tune, beautiful piano to play again. I want to be as good as I used to be again. I used to be able to just bust out some songs wherever I was, but now I have to sit and think about what I even know anymore haha. It's so dumb. But, whatever. It is coming together again.

Well, that's enough for one night. <3 p="">-T

Friday, January 29, 2016


I spent the day sunbathing by the pool of a mansion in Bakersfield, California. I read a few chapters of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and drank Cherry Coke. It was a really lovely afternoon. I even have tan lines!

Let me back up. Why am I at a mansion in Bakersfield, California? Well, I'm on tour with Of Course Not, and have been on the road for about 3 weeks now. We've been in California for the past week, and it has been insanely awesome. We met the lady that lives here in Bakersfield two and a half years ago when we toured through with Foreverlin. She's such a nice lady, and takes really good care of us. We love visiting.

Anyway, in the past three weeks we've seen snow, ice, flat land, hills, mountains, desert, ocean, and 70 degree weather. I've been wearing shorts for the past week. It has been amazing.

I really miss Ellie, though. She's been staying with my parents this month. She's been having a great time, but I miss her dearly. I feel so bad leaving her there, but she really hates being on the road. She doesn't like car rides, and her mutt muffs don't fit super well. She's better off with them. Plus, she loves it, and she loves Bunker, and she loves all of the attention she gets. She's spoiled. Haha.

I also got the news today that the doctors are stopping grandpa's treatments. They basically just want him to be comfortable, and that he has about six months. It is sad. I'm sad. I don't know how to handle it. I had been preparing for this news because I knew it was bound to happen. I mean, he has cancer. Obviously, we would get this news. It still just hits hard, and it makes it worse not being around. I'm still about a week and a half from home, and I'll only be there for 4 days when we get back. It's like I'm fighting time, too. It's just hard. I know he and grandma want me to be following my dreams, and doing what makes me happy, but I still feel guilty not being around. I barely got to see them the last time I was home because we were wedding planning, and then honeymooning, and then it was Christmas. They didn't even come to my wedding, and grandma totally forgot that it even happened. So that sucked. I just don't even know. I am just really upset that this is happening. Grandpa was like a second dad. We spent so much time with him growing up. He took us hiking, and to the park, and the zoo. He taught me about all of the animals that lived at the zoo, and about nature. It's where I learned how to love all of the animals. He'd tell us stories on the porch swing, and we'd make up songs, and play games. We'd have a fish fry almost weekly during the summer, and stay up late watching movies, and eating ice cream. Then we'd wake up early and walk to the corner store to get a newspaper, and some gum or Spree. Man, we had some good times. It's what I will always hold on to. He and grandma gave me a couple of rings that he gave her years and years ago. I love them so much. I'm so glad they did. I guess I'm just going to try to spend as much time with them as I can, and what happens happens.

I'm going to continue watching Modern Family now. Later.

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Of Course Knot

IM GETTING MARRIED ON SATURDAY!! I can't believe it is finally happening! Luke DeWitt and I are tying the knot! The OF COURSE KNOT! 

Tuesday, November 18, 2014


stressed Stressed STressed STRessed STREssed STRESsed STRESSed STRESSEd STRESSED

Yep. That's about how my life is right now. I have so much to do and so little time. It's rather unfortunate, actually. I'm getting stir crazy because I've been in Joplin for too many days in a row. I need to get out of town again, and I need to play a show again, and I need to feel alive again. Four more days until I have another show, and then another 5 until we leave the state for a little while. I'm so ready.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

This Is Halloween

HAY GUYZ! So I'm really excited because it is OCTOBER and that means HALLOWEEN is coming up! My family (mostly my mom) was always super into Halloween growing up, and our house was always decorated with ghosts and ghouls. I already decorated my apartment similarly just on a lesser scale. I have pumpkin lights hanging outside and ghost lights hanging inside with a little skeleton sitting on the cabinet. Plus I have pumpkin spice candles and cinnamon apple oils for my warmer thing. I AM SO EXCITED! Also, I got to wear my boots the other day. They are seriously my favorite pair of shoes I've ever owned. I bought them last year and almost cried when I found them. Hahaha. Everything is awesome right now. (I just watched The Lego Movie with the kids I babysit tonight.)

The only thing I'm not excited about is that Neewollah, the big Halloween festival in Independence, KS every year, is not on the weekend that I thought it was this year. I'm really distraught, actually, because I had planned on going back for it as usual because my whole family comes back to celebrate. Plus there's parades, Halloween costumes, DOGS IN HALLOWEEN COSTUMES, cotton candy, corn dogs, and the CARNIVAL. UGH WHY CAN'T I GO THIS YEAR?! It's because I'm a musician in a band, and made prior commitments the weekend after when I THOUGHT Neewollah was this year, and is also the weekend that it ACTUALLY is. UGHHHHHHHHHHHH. Oh well, I guess. I'm still going home the weekend I thought that it was to hang out with my immediate family. AND MY DOG. Oh my GOSH I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE MY DOG. Bunker is the best. I always look forward to him running around the house and jumping on me and not leaving my side for the whole time I'm home again. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. Plus he gets to sleep in my bed when I'm home. Except he hogs the bed. Bunker is a bed hog. I always shove him over, but somehow he always ends up right next to me, which is fine, but DANG, BUNK. GIVE ME SOME ROOM.

That's about all I have to write about right now. We have a show tomorrow night in Girard, and hopefully it doesn't rain since it's outdoors. That would be bad. Very, very bad. So fingers crossed it goes well! And then after the show, we're heading back to Kansas (not that we won't already be in Kansas) to see our families! AKA My parents and MY DOGGY!!!! AHHHHHHHH <3 at="" face.="" his="" i="" look="" mean="" p="">
Expect more pictures of him this weekend. YAY! Okay bye! 

Friday, August 29, 2014

A few things...

Okay so there's a few things going on that I'd like to write about.

First of all, last night Luke and I went to Tulsa to The Vanguard to see House of Heroes. HoH were amazing as always, but the thing that really bothered me was the way The Vanguard handled the show. There was next to no promotion whatsoever. There was an event page with three TBA local acts. We couldn't find any information on who was opening the show until we got there, and there wasn't ANYONE. Isn't that the venue's job to book locals on a show like that? Answer: IT IS. I was super pissed because 1. it meant that we had a good shot of opening up the show, but I didn't even TRY to get booked because I assumed they would have LOCAL TULSA BANDS on the show, and 2. because it meant there was a way smaller draw because of it. House of Heroes is probably the most solid band I've ever witnessed live. They put their heart and soul into the music they play on stage literally every time I see them. It's ridiculous how fantastic they are, and I feel like The Vanguard showed them so little respect with the way the show went it wasn't even funny. The good part was that literally everyone in that room was there for HoH. It was an insane show because EVERYONE cared, and was singing along. It was one of the most surreal experiences hearing all 50 or so kids in the room singing House of Heroes at the top of our lungs. I wish they could have had more people there to appreciate them, but whatever. They put on a GREAT show, and were able to play for over an hour. It was amazing. And since there were no openers, Colin opened the show with some excellent acoustic tunes, and ended his set with Mirrors by JT. So that was really sweet. We chatted with them afterwards, and it was just super cool. I love those guys!

The next thing I want to talk about is my will to get healthy! I started to watch my calorie intake and stay away from pop and fast food, and I've been working out regularly. I've lost 8 pounds since last week, and it's been amazing. I feel so much better, and I can fit in clothes I wasn't able to fit into before. I still have a ways to go, but I'm getting there, and this time I'm not giving up. I finally sucked it up and bought a scale, and now I have a way to track my results, so I can hold myself accountable. I AM SO EXCITED.

And finally, we recorded Gravity Hill. IT SOUNDS FREAKING AMAZING. I can't WAIT to share it! We're still trying to figure out how and when we'll release it, but hoping for sometime around the end of October. It is a creepy song anyway.

Okay well that's it for today.

TL;DR The Vanguard sucks, House of Heroes RULE, I'm getting healthy, and a new OCN song is coming.